Flowering Cherry (Kevin Coyne/Dave Clague/Nick Cudworth)

Flowering cherry, roses bloom

Sunlight streaming into my room, Lord

Winter's waning, Summer's new

I love my baby, yes it's true

Chorus: You know I'll always love you (x2)

You know I'll always need you

You know I'll always want you.

Summer roaming through the park

Light and brightness darling, no more dark

Flowering cherry, love on fire

Baby loves me

My desire


You know I'll always need you

You know I'll always love you

You know I'll always need you

You know I'll always want you

Flowering cherry, roses bloom

Sunlight streaming into my room, Lord

Winter's waining, Summer's new

I love my baby, yes it's true, Lord

Yes it's true, Lord, you know I do yes

Magdalen (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth)

The sky was red in the evening

All the doors were locked and barred

I stood up watching your window babe

But you were gone afar

I wondered why Magdalen

You didn't try Magdalen

To even love me or care

The village heard my lonesome moaning

And faces peared from every home

A pity showed upon those faces

That there's another boy alone

I sat down on your door step

Dreaming Magdalen

All your black hair and your name

I walked a long way to the pasture

A thick grass wilting in the sun

Gazing hopeless for your image baby

Wanting to free myself and run

I laid down in the grass there

I wen to sleep and I

I drifted to my Magdalen

Desire has been my misfortune

The beauty ?? has been my wip

Avoid that light that comes from Magdalen

She's the siren sinking ships

Now I see the chalice

Now I see the beacon

See the ?? a lonely man

The sky was red in the evening

All the doors were locked and barred

I stood up watching your window babe

But you were gone afar

I wondered why Magdalen

You didn't try Magdalen

To even love me or care

I wondered why Magdalen (x2)

Like an Angel (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth)

She walks just like an angel

She talks in a velvet cloud

Her lips are milk and honey

And her everything, everything is so worthwhile

I need a little loving

I need it straight from the heart

But she decides to leave me

She smashes my dreams, tears my heart apart

But I won't give up trying

No I won't cause I must survive

I need, need her little loving

And you know without you baby I cannot survive

Yes she walks just like an angel

And she talks in a velvet cloud

Her lips are milk and honey

And she knows that everything, everything is so worthwhile

I need just a little loving

Just a little is all I crave

But what I get is not worth having

Oh come on baby, don't you know it's you I crave

Little Old Death (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth)

Little old death is my friend

I'm waiting for him to arrive

He'll arrive at my door about nine

And take me away for good

Little old death is my friend

He will take me and smile

He'll arrive in a coach and four

Oh little old death

Wonderful death

Oh little old death is my friend

Old Age (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth)



Old age, when will it happen to me? (x4)

Happen to me? (x4)

Yes, old age, when will it happen to me?

Old age, well, it gets very close (x3)

Coming nearer, nearer and nearer

Old age, when will it happen to me? (x3)

Oh I'm getting old

Sitting in the larder without any food

Out any food (x2)

Ooh! Oh! This is...

Oh I'm getting old

Oh, I look out across the vegetation and me mother, oh, I remember me mother, she was lovely, me grandson he's, he's about, he's in the Navy, you know, a beautiful boy, I've got pictures of him all over me walls, and oh me daughter well, well she works you know she's a... well she's a worker anyway, she's a very good worker, oh and it's my time soon, oh give it to me, oh


Old age, when will it happen to me?

When will I become ninety-three?

Old age, when will it happen to me?

When will I become ninety-three?


What an age! (x2)

It's a good age you know, oh yes, you don't get many ages like it, when I'm ninety-three I really will be ninety

Old age, when will it happen to me? (x2)

Oh when will it happen to me?

It's happening! Oh I'm getting older, oh, mind the step! Oh, watch out, oh watch out, watch out for that step, watch oh, the washing's hanging down

Oh old age, it's happening to me, me mother's never bothered about it, oh

On Holiday / Club Rondo (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth/Dave Clague)

When we go on our holiday

When we go on our holiday

We have so much fun, we play

On the promenade all day

Wearing hats with the Cisco Kid,

Going to the bingo, making our bids

Fur boots and leopard skin every night

Wearing our sequins, oh what a sight

Tomato and boiled ham out for tea

Mrs. Baxter, she likes me

Up to the top deck of the bus

Get a free ?, that's enough for us

When we go on our holiday

We are happy every day

We have waited for so very long

To have two weeks by the sea

To have two weeks by the sea


I am a landlady, I see them all

Fat ones, tall ones, thin and small

Some with their children, some with their mothers

Some with their fathers, some with their brothers

Their bucket sounds like a ?? sand

Little white plimsoles, hand in hand

Down we go to the market square

And eat candy floss

And eat candy floss

Toffee apples, toffee apples, oh what a treat!

Then you can smell your father's feet

For the very first time you see your mother nude

You didn't mean to, but after all

You're on holiday

It's three in a bed

Three in a bed

Three in a bed

Or four in a bed

Newcastle brown and we all fall down

We have a good time on our holiday


Club Rondo


Welcome gentlemen, to the Club Rondo!

Arty and all, arty entertainment industry

It's fun and spills, fun and thrills, this is the Club Rondo! Come in!

????? inside, there's nothing to fear

We have to get close to the girls without touching


My name's Norma, I work here

I dance nightly, oh what fun

All the men look at me as I go 'round

And they all say, "What big ones she's got!"

I do a dance called the Wobble

I do a dance called the Split

And all the men, they are waiting for one thing

And that's to see me strip

Now, my father doesn't like the idea

But the money's very good

So, who can argue with Fifty pounds a week?

If you can offer me anything better, I'll do it


Now my name is Alfonso

I'm the ? and owner of this place

I make quite a lot of money

Since I moved down here from space

I may be a little bizarre in my antics

And the town council may hate my guts

But I make all of the money



Hey! Hey Stan!

Perhaps we ought to go in here

It looks like a good place to have some fun

Oh look at it!

I'm not goin' in there

It's run by a Maltese!

No, it's not, it's not Maltese, no

Yes, it is, I've heard all about it

Very dubious, very dubious...

No, come in now, we only go on our holidays, what is it, once a year

You don't get the chance to see this kind of stuff where we come from

No mind if they're Maltese, they're strippin' and they're live and we can have some fun


Hello gentlemen, this is the Club Rondo!

Tonight we've got some ????

And we're really gonna have some fun tonight!

Our bunny girls will be coming 'round to offer you light refreshment and ? edible, but first of all, before we start, a word from our compere, Jackie Dennis. Come in, Jackie!

Hello, the name's Jackie Dennis and I'd like to do a song, well, it's only a little song, but I think it's going to be a big hit. Here we go!

(Jackie sings)

Watch all the girls dancing

They're all having fun

You're out on your holidays

So, you'd better put your blues on the run



Well, I'm stuck for words. I've come here, I've paid me money, I've seen it all. That Norma--my goodness, what a form! What a form she's got! Mind you, I don't go for them Maltese



I saw the night on my lights when I looked at Delilah

I saw the flickering shadows caressing her brows

Why, why, Delilah?

One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock

Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock

Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rock

We're gonna rock around the clock tonight!

Lollipop, lollipop, lolli lolli lollipop

Lollipop, lollipop, lolli lolli lollipop

Lollipop, lollipop, lolli lolli lollipop

Oh I wonder, wonder who, I wonder who

Who wrote the Book of Love?

Who wrote the Book of Love?



Well it's been a good... Hey?

Have we had a good time, Bobby?


A really good time?


Come again next year?


We'll go to Mrs. Baxter's


What do we have there?


Ham and chips?


Everything we want


Don't you say anything else but bloody yes?


Ah, that's the trouble, you know

I'm burdened down with bloody cretins

A lot of ?? where I come from

I like it here, it reminds me of show business and Las Vegas



I wonder, wonder who, I wonder who

Who wrote the Book of Love?

Bingo, bingo, I'm in luck!



Stop the music!

Stop the music!

Stop the music!

Hey! Rondo, stop the music!

Get that Norma on again, let's have her on again. She was bloody good, better than them other three, what was her name? Patrice, from the Lebanon, I don't know

What a lot of trouble I go to, to ???



Brandy In My Tea (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth/Dave Clague)

(spoken intro)


I'd like to do a number now that... well, I first did this when I was a child of about twelve...since then, I've grown up a little, got to understand the meaning of the words, really, this song is my life, it really sums up all I believe in...

Brandy in my tea

A drop of water

The little host is walking by

London in the moonlight

And you and I in love

Looking at the sun

I see a great paper ball

Little ships of love

All my love starts to fall

All the ?? above

Tell we're in love

I've got brandy in my tea

A little more


Scunthorpe Dictator (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth/Dave Clague)

I want all you workers to have a good time

I want them all to fall in line

I want them to do as I say

'Cause I don't want them to know

You know I am not a dictator

Although I like my own way

I'm going to rule the world

I like to have my say

I'm your dictating boogie boy

Down from Scunthorpe now


Sprechen sie Deutzsche!

Now he was somebody, that Hitler, you goodness, he was a swine! All our boys went down there, you know, to keep the world free. My goodness, he'd got some rotten plans from us if he'd'ever come over here. Course, Churchill would have been the first one he'd have got, you know...all them with money ??. All us working class, we'd have been in factories, oh yes, we'd have been working very hard you know but we'd have been very poorly paid and when we got old he'd have liquidated us...nice thought, isn't it? Eh? You don't know who Hitler is, my goodness, you're ignorant! Oh, everybody's heard of Hitler. He's that little man with the've seen him! Looks a bit like Charlie Chaplin. He died, you know, in a bunker, in a big bunker. Did he? Good gracious me! He was with him as well, you know, that Goebbels. And then there was Histler, Himmler, whatever his name was. He had, ah, I heard a rumour he had glass eyes or something. Mind you, they were a funny lot, they were Goering as well. He was something to do with the Luftwaffe...You mean you've never heard of the Luftwaffe? My goodness, where have you been? How old are you, forty eight? Bloody hell, what school did you go to? You must have been living in a tree all your life. What? You have been? Oh, I'm sorry then, I didn't know you were a nature boy. Anyway, it's about time you got back to reality, this fellow Hitler's been dead a long time, but there's a lot of 'em like him about, you know. There's still a few Hitlers, a few little Hitlers...there's that chap in Germany now, you know, Adolf von ?? . He's one of the new breed. And then there's that chap in Indonesia, Jakarto, he used to wear a face and the brown face he's got. What, that's libelous? Ah, well...I don't put up with his's ridiculous is what it is...I don't put up with it! Filandering dictators

Tighten Up (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth/Dave Clague)

Well tighten up, you're in England now

You'd better tighten up, you're in England now

They don't stand for dictators

They don't stand for evil no how

You better tighten up, we got a good parlament here

You better tighten up, we got a good parlament here

Ain't no bribery or corruption

You ain't got nothin' to fear

This is the Land of the Free, everybody here gets paid

This is the Land of the Free, everybody here gets paid

You can queue at the Labour Exchange

Man, you're made!

If you're black, if you're brown, yellow or blue

Come to England, that's the thing to do

You want to come here

Tighten up and come along inside

There'll keep a welcome in the valleys

You're gonna be alright!

Bennett and Packet (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth/Dave Clague)

Does anybody know... "I Left My Heart in San Francisco"? Anybody know it? No? He does it, you know...Bennett. He's with that trumpet player, he's with that trumpet player Bobby Packet. Bennett and Packet, quite a combination. Does anybody know any marches, then? He were good, Souza...Souza, what was his name, Souza, John Phillip Souza, the march king. Aye, that's it, that's a, this is what... now I was talking earlier about Hitler. Now he was a big one for marches, wasn't he? In fact he got all the people mesmerized...with his marching tunes. Here's one of them:

Hitler Youth!

Rise up!

No more pettifogging or libelous behaviour!

Hitler Youth!

Rise up!

No more scandalous artistic fantasies or ludicrous pressures from unknown sources!

Hitler Youth you'd better rise up!

No more bourgeoisie pretenses or nonsense about factotums or flippancy!

In fact, Hitler Youth, rise up!

And march for the Fatherland through all the Slavic territories and other places wherein persons live of dubious character!

In fact, we will march!

Bavaria (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth/Dave Clague)



Land of the Free

Land of the Free

Land of the beer

And Land of the knee bob

Bav--oh, I can't go on with this, it's ridiculous. Anyway, this is how they did it, no, this is genuine, they did go on like this in Hitler Youth and in fact I'm warning you against it.

Bavaria. Think of it. Bavaria

You sure you don't know that Francisky...Francisco, that Bennett sings it. I don't know his first name, I think it's Don, Don Bennett. Anyway, I'll, I'm going home now, so if you remember that tune by Bennett, ah, drop 'round our house, my mother'll let you in, she's got her key, and, ah...come in, you can use, anyway...I'm interested in people who know it, there's not many people who know that tune, Francisco. It's by Bennett, anyway. Goodnight! Goodnight

Where Are You Going To (Kevin Coyne/Nick Cudworth/Dave Clague)

Where you going to?

You seem to be on your way

Blossoms on the road

Winter's on its way

River's all dried up

Leaves fallen all off the trees

Turnin' blue 'till your nose ??

Freezin' to your knees

Where you going to? x3

You've left the city

You've left all the dirt

You've come to the country

You've got brown on your shirt

You know the frogs hate you

The cows stare at you

The horses and the big white ?

They don't give a damn for you

Where you going to? x3

Any day now

The sky will fill with light

Maybe the Saviour will come

And make everything alright

But until then you must hide

In the barn by the stream

Hope to find your country place

Hope to find your dream

Where you going to? x3

Andy went away

Andy made some hay

Andy thought he could be free

Escape from the city

Dressed himself in leaves

Wore straw in his hair

Tried to escape the winter

Have sunshine everywhere

Have sunshine everywhere

But you can't escape

You know it's true

You'll always need an old back door

You'll always need a grate with a flue

You'll always need a cracked chimney

You'll always need a big fire

You'll always need your grandmother near you

Moaning by the fire

Where you going to? x3

Where you going?

Back to Church (Kevin Coyne/Dave Clague/Nick Cudworth)

I've seen the robes and I've seen the candles too

I've seen the paper, seen the ? and I've seen you

You're standing on the church yard

Your face all white with love

You think you have the key to mankind suffering

But don't you think I've suffered enough

You think you know how to go

You think you can have a world without any fun

But here I come and I don't believe like you

And a man in the sky wih a beard

Her you come again, you've got a big cross

It's a plastic and brown and wide

You have a device that you pull over your bedhead

It makes it wink in the night

And the saviour's on you bed spread

Get Right Away (Kevin Coyne/Dave Clague/Nick Cudworth)

Yeah I'm gathering steam on the ??


And I'm in my home where I don't know where I'm coming from but I've got to go

Got to get away, right away, right away

I've got to get away, right away around here cause I can see

Cause I can see

I can see they're watching me wherever I go, wherever I go

I know they're watching me over the wires

Watching me down the lane

If I got out to pick flowers, they're driving me insane

They're by the duck pond, looking down at my legs

They're looking in the water and they're starting to beg

They're saying to me, what am I gonna do

Help you out, I don't know if it's true

You don't love me at all (x2)

You're just the one that tortures my mind

In a big white boat sailing round the sea

I'm gonna float on a great big boat

I'll get away from here

It's a country graveyard all brand new

With a great big terrace all colored blue

And I'm out in a coat saying how do you do

Come in inside and see what you can do for me

Pull on this bed and see what you can do

Put it on your head and see what you can do

You can't worry too much cause you don't know what to do

Our Jack (Kevin Coyne/Dave Clague/Nick Cudworth)

I think it was Saturday he started to act very strange

He started to stick his head out the window and shout at the trains

We all got very worried by Sunday andwe called in the doctor

He said... I think he's got something I ... I think it's schizophrenia

Or something

Now I don't want you to worry mother because I think he's going to be alright

If we put him in... you know where, I think he'll be out by a forthnight

There's not much wrong that a few pills can't put right and...

Don't worry about him, you'll be able to sleep at night, won't you?

Well I'm his mother you see, I mean, you worry about your son, don't you?

Anyway, I signed a few forms and I put me coat on and we got on the bus

It was on Monday morning and we're up there by... ten o'clock or something like that

And I ?? him in and he was crying a bit but did'nt talk much

Just said "You know I always wanted to be a train guard, mother? I'm sick of being an acountant"

Well I suppose if you're a child it's alright being a train guard but I mean ?? folks would like to have a bit of status in life

I mean his father is only a painter and decorator, I mean you expect the next generation to be one...

One stage up as you might say

Anyway, he's in there now

I'm going to see him tomorrow, that's Tuesday

Bring a bag of sugar and a bit of tea

I took his tea square upthere but don't seem very interested

He's a little withdrawing, on the quiet but...

The men from the office have been very good you know

Theu had a collection for him and...

Bought him one or two books, magazines

The doctors are very nice


I wish I could climb

Out of this room

Enter into a brand new world

Build my own tomb

Choose all the colors

But I know I can't

People want me to be what I'm not (x2)

I used to go out at night

I used to walk the great wide streets

I used to think of all the things I wanted to do when I was asleep

But all the time my head ached, had this thing in my mind

Better to be happy than have money, be half blind

But my mother said No

And my father said No

You've got to study at school cause if you don't you'll be a fool and the neighbors will laugh

My father he's nothing he never pretented to be

And I'd give all I have in the world just to be as he

It's a sad sad story

But I've decided to retire

I decided to run away

Put out my fire, hide away

In some great room for a year and a day and a day and a day and a day


How's your Jack?

Oh ?? he's coming on well now

He's... he's passed the worst I think

He was always a funny sort of lad, weren't he?

Ah he was yes!

But, I don't know, he's getting old and he's probably getting a bit more sense you know

Ah, looks like his father, don't he?

Ah, that's Jack

You know, where he is now, the doctors are very nice

I'm Alright Here (Kevin Coyne/Dave Clague/Nick Cudworth)

Well you'd better leave me alone here

I don't want to hear you no more

I'm alright where I am

Leave me here and don't bother me no more

I'm alright, I'm alright, I'm alright here

You'd better not bother me with your shouting

Your noise is all in my ears

I don't want to hear your rattle and your taunting

I don't want to hear your boos and your cheers

I'm alright by myself, I'm alright, I'm alright here

Well the world seems a great bundle of noise

It's a fact woman I ain't got no choice

But now I found a little place where I can be

Oh it's quiet and it's right by the sea

Don't bother me baby, I'm alright here, I'm alone

I'm on my own, oh yes

I could do anything I want here

I can play in the sand all day and throw stones at the sea gulls as they float by and pull grass up and kick sand about and oh wear my swimming trunks and wear wellingtons when I want to and oh yes I can play marbles now cause nobody can say I'm not a child and I don't have to conform to any regulation, patterns of so-called behaviour and I'm very happy here, I've got a nice little house and it's got no light but who needs electric light and I don't really drink water anymore so I'm not bothered about the lack of a tap and I'm so happy here you know, the city is... is so boring really, basicaly and a lot of people tell me that I'm a fool and I want to go, you know, somewhere special where people like me go but never mind I'm happy kicking around in the sand and pulling up the grass and speeding at the cows and trapping blue waffles in jam jars anyway

Oh don't you bother me here

I have nothing to fear now

I'm as happy as a little boy

I'm clapping my hands and I'm full of joy

Don't you bother me, don't you bother me now

Oh no!

Well I'm as happy as I can be

I'm living in a little house by the sea

And I don't have no uncles or aunties bothering me, no

Oh there's no big wheels and I don't have to feel my way around

So here you are, the solutions to your problems is my solution to my problem, that is leave if you have to or go away somewhere and maybe preferably by the sea but if you can find a high tower, go there and sit on the top and let the wind strike you in the face or if you like you can go... well underground yes where it's well heated and you know there's plenty of light and you know, all the rest of those nice things that go with, anyway, freedom or something like that, anyway I'm going now, I'm going back to deal with the sand and the grass and the cows and of course there's the lobsters to contend with and here we go and goodnight everybody and...

If Only (Kevin Coyne/Dave Clague/Nick Cudworth)

I have a house in the country, it's very nice

It's a got a lot of little towels and there's rooms all around

Andthe bathrooms are very nice

And there's palm trees in the garden and there's pear trees on the lawn

And I wear a velvet coat, on my head is a shawl

Now the local villagers, they are not content with me

They think I am a monster, a man from another land

They think my mother was a witch

And she went hand in hand with the Devil on a Saturday night

They think I keep bells in my larder and ?? in my maze

And they like to see my rooms at night when they're all in bed

The curious folk, they have a strange sense of fear

Now the villagers are hazy, they do not really know me well

They don't realize I'm lonely, I'm as lonely as Hell

But I count my candelabra and I polish at my shoes

And dream of friendly faces bringing me good news

If I only had a gardener, he would be able to clip my hedge

If I only had a buttler, he would answer my mail

If I only had a maid, she could bring me tea in my great big brass bed

If I only had just a little time, I'd make friends with all the villagers

And invite them to tea (x2)

To come and see that I'm quite well

I mean no-one no harm and my father and my mother

Who live somewhere below are quite well

And that my sister who they thought went away to America is really quite well

If I could only get into touch with people

If I could only get in touch with people (x2)